Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
