you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
