I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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