my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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