I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
