your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Boobs are out for the taking
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
