so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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