She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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