You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
