sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
