He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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