i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
