Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
