I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
