Just cropdusted the office
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
