do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
