Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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