I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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