I'm going to jail i love you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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