Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
