you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
