how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
