so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
