so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
