A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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