I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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