shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
