My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
