i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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