I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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