My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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