Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
