I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
