i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
