i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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