My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
