U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you inspire me to be a worse person
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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