Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
