She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
