sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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