When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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