I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
