I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
