I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
