What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
false alarm. still invincible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
