My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
