How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
