why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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