Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
