No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
