It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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