The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
