I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
