I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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