New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
