I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
