You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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