you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
